Amelia' s Journey

Way way to long!!!

2011-08-30T15:38:00.001-07:00

Hi Everyone,

I know its been a real long time since I updated this page , and I am sorry for those who have been wondering how Amelia is doing in her wonderful world of sound, but since it has been so long I will fill you in on whats gone on around her and for her in the past months.

Last November we had a pretty big scare... While Amelia's Mom and brother were traveling home from Hockey practice they had a accident thanks to road conditions and a friendly Deer crossing the rd. Thank fully both were fine , other then some cuts , bumps , and bruises.
I do have to say that Amelia's brother Ethan was a very courageous and showed great smarts in a bad situation.. Ethan was brave enough to get him self out of the car that was on its roof...He climbed out the rear windshield ... made his was through some small trees to his mothers door and insisted that she now get out of the car. Even thinking about it now ... I fill up with such pride.. I cant and most likely never will be able to put in to words how he has made me feel since he came in to this world... I don't think I have had the honor and the privilege of knowing a finer human being and soul then my son.. He has always shown great heart... compassion... and love for the people and things he cares about , and it shows even more with his little sister.. Sure he has his moments with her like all 8 year old brothers would with his 5 year old sister , but I do know he loves her as much as she loves him, and that..right there... is one of the greatest things i have experienced as a parent.. just this past last week..my wife reminded of how great my children happy makes me feel by saying " That's what I love right there... you hear that..our kids playing with friends and just being kids and just being happy..that's what really makes me happy" and you know, deep down in side... as a parent when your kids are young.... how blessed are we to get to listen and see there faces when they feel that way .

Amelia also stared school this past year and had just a Amazing time... She expanded her abilities in so many ways just by being with her classmates, and getting to learn about many things and getting to be with kids her own age everyday. I do have to say there was a real negative side to her school year as well.
The school bored as a whole up here is really lacking... they lack the ability to get a child that hears with cochlear implants a Fm system before April in the school year..yes that's right April... Back in May of 2010 Sonya ..myself and the school board officials all agreed that a FM system would be needed and there in Sept.. but after a whole line of excuses and reasons... it took till April to get her one.. on the positive side of that ... she really started to improve with her speech and understanding of words once she had the system in place . The things man can do now a days is really magnificent .

Amelia has also branched of from not just being a ballerina , but she now has stepped in to the world of Gymnastics.... and she loves it!!!!!!! She took many classes this year and back in May she got to show the whole town of Bancroft what her and her class mates had learned . The girls and boys put on one amazing show and for the whole time.. the smile didn't come off Amelia's face, not to mention... If you were there and didn't know Amelia... you would have never known she did everything with out her cokies on... She does it all by knowing... looking ...doing , and feeling it inside.. The music played and though she couldn't hear it..She still was able keep her rhythm through there presentations... God sometimes she just makes me so darned proud i cant stand it lol !

This Past summer we got a great gift from a great charity . Amelia is getting the latest external equipment from cochlear america's through the P.C children"s charities. We as a family cant thank them enough for there support , and I as a father and a husband I can not thank my wife and Amelia's mom for the amazing work she did in putting together Amelia's life in to words , she worked so hard and if it wasn't for her .. I know ability to get this equipment would have been a lot steeper of a hill to climb and again I know I cant ever thank her enough for doing that for Little Miss A.K. As soon as she gets them I will put up a pic to show them off to you all.

I want to thank you all who have read this blog for all the positive vibes you give out when ever you read this and think about Amelia and how she is doing. I know I haven't been on the ball with this for a long time and that my fault.. sometimes people lose there way in life...stress gets to them and they forget whats important and they forget how much the little things in life can mean and how the simplest of gestures can go along way for the person giving and receiving a kind favoras a result of that gesture . I have been guilty of that in my life like I know most of you likely have as well but recently I learned and saw first hand how horrible and tragic life can be and as hard as its been for me especially the past few weeks, I do hope I am able to come out of this a better man..a better husband...and at the very least a better father.

August 19th 2011 I experienced something I wont ever forget . a young girl riding her bike was struck by a passing pick up truck, I was there and helped administer cpr... I have no happy ending on this one..she lost her young life that day and its not something I will ever soon forget.. I think about her everyday right now and I know that in the days ahead..the thoughts wont be as frequent and my own pain and anguish that I feel will pass , but what I hope doesn't ever fade is my sense of how short this life is...how amazing laughing with your loved one is .. How beautiful it is to feel the wind strong against your face , and most importantly how great it makes you feel to get a heart felt hug form some one you love.

Lindsey.. I will never forget you, and I will never forget the lesson's you taught me the day you left this earth ... You spirit will live on in everyone who loved you and everyone you loved back.

Please hug someone after you read this... we all know it feels good and we don't do it enough

Amelia's Daddy

Amelia's in school..and loving it!!!!!!

2010-10-30T12:20:00.000-07:00

Hello all,

I hope everybody is enjoying a great fall season. It's always easier to say good bye to summer and welcome winter when you don't have winter blast you in the face Oct 1st.

This September and October have been huge months for Amelia. Not only did Amelia start school this year but she also went on a family trip to Newfoundland earlier this month.

Amelia has adapted really well in to her school surroundings , and really loves going to class to see her teacher and class mates, especially her cousin Joclyn . Its great that Amelia has someone she knows in her class that can help with her classmates to understand better what Amelia uses to help her hear . so far Amelia has shown that she has that itch to have a pencil or crayon in her hand. She has started well at writing her letters and numbers , and I have had the great pleasure of having Amelia start to read and that so amazing that I cant even put it in to words. Amelia's family are so proud of her and her older brother Ethan. Ethan sometimes doesn't get the attention that her sister does and yet he does not complain and for a 7 year old her puts up with his sister pretty good , and Mom and Dad both know Amelia does not make that a easy task for him. So if you ever get to meet him , your meeting a pretty special young man in his own rights.

Now on to our trip to Newfoundland...........

I am sure most of you dont know this about me , but before Oct 6th I had two real big fears and 1 of them was flying. At 8 am Oct 6th... Always gone Dad here conquered that with the help of Ethan Amelia and Mom... We all packer our pages and flew to Halifax then again off to gander Nfld.. At the airport we were greeted by Granda Winter , who drove us all to his home on the coast in a small place called badgers quay ... What a special 10 days we had... and for me it was a time I will never forget for so many reasons. We had a week and a half of no cell phones..no sirens..no stop lights!!! Amelia and her brother had the greatest time with there Granda and Nan... Every day there granda would take them to the store ..spoil them... then take them to there wharf to fish..or to the local fishery to catch some rock cod like the one Amelia's holding in the picture. As always the good time had to come to a end , and it was not easy saying good bye but we did have the best time and I have to say, the world feels a little more open to me now that I have got past my fear of flying , so that being said, I know we will go back very soon to visit with our family and friends in Newfoundland.

I have posted a small video of our trip so please enjoy

Till the next time ,

Hug your mate..... they need it as much as you do

Amelia's Daddy

Voice camp Connections

2010-08-28T08:59:00.001-07:00

Hello everyone far and wide,

I do hope that you all had the most enjoyable summer , and that everyone made it through safe and sound and maybe just a little tanned.

I thought it was way over do to give everyone a little up date on Amelia , and I have to say she has had the greatest summer yet.

Amelia has just returned
from visiting her Great Grandmother in Newfoundland , and as always she left her mark on the rock with family and friends. Amelia has always been so very unique and very open to her feelings and nothing showed that more then on her return flight from nfld to Toronto. Her grandmother who was on the flight with her informed us when they got home that the trip back was full of unsettling turbulence, and this for Amelia meant it was amusement park ride time. At one point the shaking got so bad that most adults were concerned , but not little A.K what does she say??? " Plane going down ..plane going down????? " with a huge smile on her face. That from what we were told brought some smiles back on peoples faces and Amelia if you have met her , knows that she has always been able to do that . :)

For Amelia and her family the highlight of out family summer time was VOICE camp. VOICE camp is help annually in august at a beautiful camp ground in the Haliburton Highlands. Its gives kids with different hearing levels of hearing loss and there families a chance to get away for some fun, share stories and most of all a real opportunity to meet people that truly do know how you and your child feel cause everyone there has that common aspect of there lives , and to me that is whats best about the camp. Just being amongst so many families that have this commonality made me and I know my wife as well feel a little less alone and we made a few new friendships along the way .

I was truly humbled as well at VOICE camp. We had never been before so we did not know what to expect , so as we were making our way though the first night , a very nice woman came up to Amelia , she had recognized her from this website and then she turned to me and said " your always gone Dad!!!" ( That`s us in the picture above .) I must say that was pretty neat , but what was most special about meeting this woman is that she had told me that our little blog here inspired her to write her own blog and that right there at that very moment made all of this blog worth it. Outside of keeping track of Amelia`s Journey , and the thoughts of a Dad that is always gone, that is the reason I do this ..to help others , to let them see that there not alone , and that regular people like the people in Amelia`s family when they stick together and support each other, can accomplish anything.

I will admit when the lights went out and I had a moment to think about what this woman had said to me.. I cried a couple humble pie tears (haha ya me king crier) I honestly never did think that I would meet someone that followed this and got out of it what I had hoped for so it was really a humbling experience for me .

I hope to have a update real soon as Amelia is set to start kindergarden in sept so that I know will be full of firsts and I cant wait to share them with you all .

Till next Time , stay safe and sound , and remember to put your heart in to everything , as you never know when your actions will become inspirations.

With Love

Amelia's Daddy

Amelia's dancing !!!

2010-06-11T17:52:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone,

I hope your all enjoying the approach of summer and good times out doors with family and friends. We up in the Haliburton Highlands are trully enjoying the green trees and all the lakes in the area.

I can not believe that Amelia has had her cochlear implants activated for over 2 years now. The time has flown by quickly and it really has been amazing watching Amelia climb mountain after mountain. Come this September Amelia will start attending JK , and Amelia could not be happier about that. She has been attending day care 3 times a week for months now , and she just loves being with her friends playing and learning.

On Saturday June 6th, Amelia took a big step in her world. She performed in her first dance recital and oh lord was this Dad and her family very very proud. It was great seeing all the kids of different ages performing there routines, there was a lot of talent and by the size of all the performers smiles , the most important thing was reached and that was having a lot of fun.
I did my best to record Amelia performing and I was able to make a small 2 1/2 minute video that I posted on youtube , so please I hope you enjoy a small sample of Amelia live on stage.

I can not put in to words the pride I felt when I watched her on stage, She has never had anything come easy to her, and yet no matter what it is, Amelia always tries her best and to this date has been able to do very well at anything she wants and does really well at the things she loves to do , and she loves to dance!!!

Take care everyone and enjoy the summer that is coming ahead.

Keep your smile bright and heart upbeat!!

Amelia's Daddy

So many changes!!

2010-02-23T09:20:00.001-08:00

Hi everyone .. long time , no blog..and yes I know .. I have let a few folks down on that dept.

I dont always find it easy to type things down ..it seems my heart needs to be feeling everything I write , or it just does not come out the way I want it too.. I will try harder..I promise :)

Now on to Ms Amelia,
Amelia has made the biggest strides in verbalizing her self... It seems like every week that I come home, she speaks more and more, and speaks with a greater clarity . She has the grasp of most words she hears and as a result of that she understands what the word means and whats its used for, now if I could only master that!!!!.

In the coming weeks Amelia will start dance class. Everyone in the family has noticed how much she loves to dance.. Just a few weeks ago she danced and sang Beyonce's "Halo" while she watched the music awards with her Grandma Somerville. Just what this world needs ..Amelia as a idol wanna be hahahahaha.

I wish I could say that this journey with Amelia has been all joy, but it has not.. Amelia has found her temper and its a LIVE one.!!
She does her very best to test and test and test her mother's paitence multiple times a day , and her brother has felt the rath of her temper a few times himself.. but being the big brother he is.. he does a real good job at keeping his own temper in check..Way to go Ethan, you have a heart and soul that we wish we had!!

Lastly I want to take a second to talk about Amelia's Mom
This woman has so much on her plate..She cooks she cleans she feeds the dogs she works 3 jobs one of them far away from home, and all this she does mostly on her own. I am hardly home so she does not have a husband to turn to .. It's all by herself and at her own expense.. I cant tell you all how much I wish I could just take her away some where nice , so that she might get a chance to re charge her batteries.. One day Honey.. one day...Thank you Sonya for all that you do , day in and day out ..With out you it all falls apart.. You are the piece that keeps us all together, and please know its not un noticed..I see it every time I go home and see the life in our kids eyes.

Well thats all for now, hopefully I will have some dance pictures to put up soon as Amelia loves to dance in her round in round ( that means dress in Amelia's world) hahaha!!!

Till next time remember...........With out love there is no you and me..with out love there are no children ..with out love there is no world..

Take care everyone.. love you all for reading.

Amelia's Daddy

All is well

2009-11-19T08:25:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone,

I have the greatest of news...Amelia kicked the nasty little bug she had... The Dr gave her a heavy does of medicine and with in 48 hrs she was back to her normal kick butt self.

I am so happy that once again she faced a little set back and continues to kick those things out of the way.

Since the holiday season is coming, I will be posting a few pictures as Amelia and her brothe rwait for the arrival of ol Santa Claus.

Talk soon ,

Amelias Daddy

Amelia's health

2009-11-12T15:21:00.001-08:00

Evening everyone,

Its not often at all I write at all while I am at work ,but I felt the need to tonight.

Amelia has been sick this week and it has got alot worse today. Currently Amelia is heading to the hospital cause we have a great concern that Amelia has got the H1N! flu. At this time we do not know forsure , but we do know that anyone with cochlear implants need to belooked after right away in any fever situation..She also has had issues with her breathing today .

I ask that all of you who read this , that you pray for her little lungs and heart tonight.

I plan on heading home as soon as I can , and I hope i have the greatest of reasons to write again very soon.

Bye for now

Amelia's Daddy

Daddy.........What?????????????????

2009-10-17T15:50:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone,

Once again here in Ontario, we have entered the fall season, the leaves have changed and most have fallen.

Lots has happened in little Amelia's world since I last blogged , so I will try to keep you all interested .

Amelia's vocabulary is growing everyday it seems , so fast in fact it can kinda can make a Dad tear up when he gets verbal attitude back from his little girl, which has happened!!! I guess the truth is , learning words and where to use them and being able to adjust your tone, is in fact what Mom Dad and everyone that loves her hoped she would be able to do one day and well that one day has arrived!!!!!!
Just today when I arrived home from a extended work week I got my first taste of the attitude. All I said was Amelia, and what did she say.... " Daddy... What??????" Oh my was I a little confused and shocked to say the least!!! Amelia has become a very good little entertainer. She enjoys singing , and loves to dance> Mary Poppins is her favourite movie. The Dora dress that she loves to wear seems to give her some super dance power , because she cant seem to help dancing half the day when she wears it, it is just amazing!!

Amelia has also become a lot more independent with her Cochlear equipment. She has no problem turning them on or off. She tries to put the batteries in her self ,but she still needs help with that ( At least she needs mom and dad for something lol) She also has become a real help in letting us know if they are working right .. She will verbally say "uh oh Broken ". Now if we could just get her to wear her ear piece properly , it would be one less thing we need to worry about . Anyone who knows about this equipment knows that they are amazing but also can be so sensitive and a 3 year old can be very very hard on them .

Well thats all for now, and I ill do my very best to be more frequent with updates.

Thank you all so much for taking the time to read learn , and grow with us, We thank you all so very much

Take care

Amelia's Daddy

Long over due update

2009-08-19T17:01:00.000-07:00

Summer days are here...... Finally!!!!

Good day folks,

I hope you are enjoying the summer weather, for us in Ontario it seems that summer has arrived late , so once again it will be a short summer.

First Id like to say sorry to anyone who has been waiting for a update, , but I know most of you know how summers go , and to be honest I have just enjoyed watching my kids too much this summer.

I just cant believe that Ethan is going in to grade 1.. Grade 1 already!!! Ethan is a pretty amazing young boy and any of you who know him , know how true this is. For those that don't , you really are missing the chance to meet the most amazing, kind soul on this earth and I am so very proud to be his Dad.. Good luck in September Ethan!!

Amelia has had a great summer!!!! She has entered the realm of enjoying the water. Amelia had her first swimming lessons, and even though it might have taken her awhile to get in the water, she sure does have the early signs of a water lover .

As far as Amelia's growth in the audio and verbal aspect of life, She is doing Amazing!!!!! Amelia love to listen to thunder. You have to the look on her face when she points to her ears and says.. "I hear dat!!"

Little Amelia is full of questions, she ask's you to tell her what just about everything is, and as of last Saturday she knows all the in ports and wires that are used to run the average home cpu.
She also learned enough to make sure she hears you clearly by repeating what you say before nodding and saying "O.K" Folks she really is one of a kind!!

I know I said it before but I will say it again. When I think back almost 2 years, I just can't believe how amazing this journey has been. We all have learned so much about life and a whole lot about ourselves, and as much as I would give anything for Amelia to have not gone through the tests and the surgery, I wonder if we as a family and I as a father , husband and person, would have the ability to see and hear things the way I do now if it wernt for Amelia's journey.

I will end it on that note .

Till the next time......

Stay thirsty my friends!!!!

Amelias Daddy

New Video

2009-06-21T07:29:00.000-07:00

Hello one and all,

I hope everyone is enjoying the first day of summer. Up here in cottage country it is very warm, and quite beautiful on this Fathersday 2009.

I have made a short video of Amelia at sick kids 2 weeks ago for her 1 year tune up and update at Toronto's Sick Kids Hospital.

I have yet to figure out how to close caption videos yet , but I do promise you, I will figure that out very soon , so I apologize now .

Just so I don't get in any trouble , the must in the back ground is "Island in the sun" by Weezer... I think they own it and have the rights to make all money from it. Hopefully that satisfies the authorities hahahahaha.

I hope you all enjoy the video.

Till the next update, stay warm on the inside , and cool on the outside .

Amelia's Daddy

Tomorrows test day @ Sick Kids

2009-06-10T13:07:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone,

I hope all is well with you and your loved ones where ever you maybe .

Tomorrow Amelia will be at Sick Kids hospital. How ever this is a special visit.
We will get to see how far Amelia has come since we started on this amazing journey.

Everyone in her family is very excited about tomorrow, and of course I wont be able to be there but Amelia's Mom has promised to bring the video camera , so the plan is to share it with you all as soon as possible.

I want to take a moment to thank all of those who have read and sent there kindest of words to Amelia and her family for the past 14 or 15 months. I know if you look back though this blog , you can clearly see a roller coaster of emotions in some of the words that have been written, but this is about as Raw a look you can have at the inside of my heart while my little girl has grown so much and showed her whole family how amazing life is.

I have let my feelings out here, I have been numb as I wrote , I have been mad as I wrote , laughed , pinched myself and yes I have cried as I have wrote . All of it has made me grow as a man, father and husband. I hope some of you have gotten something out of it, and if you have then I am very happy and hopeful that any journey you might be on teaches you what this one has and will teach all of us in the family.

Thank you so much for watching and reading.

May your god always bless you

Amelias daddy

1 year !!!!

2009-05-18T13:46:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone ,

Hope you are are happy and healthy where ever you maybe . Summer is around the corner , and I for one cant wait to have the damp, cold dreary weather to leave for the next couple months!!

Now for a quick update.

Has it been a year already??? That is the question I have asked myself the past few weeks. 1 year since Amelia had her CI's activated!!! When My wife and I think back at the year that has been, and watch Amelia, as she grows leaps and bounds both physically and verbally , we do kinda have to pinch ourselves. Amelia has come so far , her speech is improving every single day. We have been so blessed to have the support that we do . Amelia has 2 fantastic speech therapists, and with the help and support her Grandma Howe gives , not with out saying all that my beautiful wife and Amelia's Mom does at home with her everyday, learning , reading and teaching with Amelia, we have really lucked out cause with out all of there help who knows how far Amelia would have come .

Like always I am away for pretty much all of this , but now that Amelia's Mom is working , I do get to spend most nights on the weekends with my two beautiful babies , that I too now am getting to watch Amelia , and getting to take the personal joy in watching all the simple little things she can do now. For example , Amelia has learned every little persons favourite word... NO!!! She knows when , and how to use it , especially with Daddy, and she also knows what the out come will be if she uses the proper facial expressions to go along with it.. HAHAHA!!!

To wrap up this past year ... It really has a very special Journey. I would be lieing to you all if I said it has been great all the time , cause it hasnt, but the positives far out way the negatives .. She has shown all of her family and friends just how much a little hard work.. perservence and science can do .. If there is anytime I doubt what we have done as a family and if its all working , I just stop, hold Amelia's hand and listen to her, she always sets me straight, just ask her, she will tell you.

Till the next time, just love and listen to eachother .. its better that way!

Amelia's Daddy

Wow ..Just moven on .. so fast!!

2009-03-23T09:20:00.000-07:00

Hi all ,

We up here in the highlands hope your all doing well and enjoying the signs of spring.

Amelia is changing daily it seems now. As everyday goes by she is becoming more and more independent. From the moment she wakes up , she wants her cokies on , and it seems the little lady is now in control of her wardrobe and insists on dressing her self.

Last Tuesday I was able to attend a progress and goals meeting with Amelia and her team of therapists and support workers. For me it was really informative , I was able to hear the progress that Amelia is showing from another perspective , and I have to say I am so very happy for her.
I look at her and she what she does , what she says, and I just have to pinch my self.

I'm going to share to very quick little stories with you all ... One Thursday I was downstairs and I walked up to the main floor and I heard this small beautiful voice say " Hi Ow are you? " IT was Amelia .... I had to take a moment to register what I had just heard... It was the most amazing , beautiful words a parent could ever hear ... She asked me how I was..she talked... she was listening to me walk up the stairs... The fact that she has this ability to hear and listen , and now verbalize, it never stops blowing me away... These are the moments as a parent you just hope and pray will happen , and for her they are.

My second little tid bit if a humur is moment..... My son Ethan was playing and watching the Leafs game Saturday night , when he yells " Hey Dad there is a squirrl in the house" I ran out to the living room and sure enough a little red squirrl was in our house .. Amelia came running to see what the fuss was about... she peaked and saw the squirrl... My wife and I put the kids in the back room so they would be safe..... After the coast was clear from the vistor ... Amelia tapped me on my leg... she wanted to let me know there was a monster in the house... try and picture Amelia doing this ..she looks at me..wide eyed... starts making claws beside her head and growls and makes whisker motions on her cheeck and points to where she saw the squirrl... She did this a few times till she knew that we understood her..... It was the cutiest sight I ever saw... I wish I could have frozen that moment forever her face so serious and so detailed in her description of the squirrl.

Well thats it for now.... till next time, stop and make a wish... you never know some wishes come true... I know this ..I live it everytime I see my kids smile :)

Amelias Daddy

Something personal

2009-02-09T21:31:00.000-08:00

This is not my usual update , this is for my children.

Almost 6 years ago , Ethan you came in to this world , and everything I ever thought I knew changed in that instant. I really thought I knew what the world , what life , what being a man meant, till you came in to our world. On that April Morning in 2003 , it suddenly became very clear that i knew nothing at all about fatherhood , but you taught me somuch so very fast. The way you looked at me , they way you smiled at me, I was something so very special to you , this man with bug hands a big head who loved u more than anything he ever thought he could . We watched you grow... your first words were so amazing I can't even put the right words into a sentence to explain to anyone what that felt like.

Now your turning 6 , your a hockey player , your little sisters biggest hero, the man of the house.
Ethan , your daddy has made many mistakes in his life , some of which i am proud to have made, and others I wish I could do over again. I hope if I have given you anything , I hope i have given you a example of love. I love you so much Ethan. Every time I look at you , I see myself.. young , full fire, so smart , and so much the life of the room in which you are in. I know its a little confusing to you , when I leave , but as the time has passed you have grown use to it , and need me in a different way. I promise that no matter where I am , I will always have you in my heart , if I cant have u beside me , it better to have you there.. I love you son , you really are my everything.

My dear Little Lemon Drop,

I cant believe how much you have changed me. From the very second you were born , you have simply amazed me in ways I didnt know I could be. Every Father says that there daughter is the best , but no one has you for a daughter , that honour is mine. I knew and your Mom knew you might have a challange or two along the way , but to say that you have not met those challanges and beat them would be a lie. The past year and a half for you , has not been the picture that your Mom and I had envisioned for you , but what you have been able to do , what you have over come, and how you have handled it , is a story that any hero would look to for insperation . Every day that you learn a new word , in speech and in sign , makes me so very proud of you. It does not phase you , your laugh is so infectious it makes me blush. I know I have never been there enough for you , and that is my biggest regret in my life. I couldnt be there , I tried to be , but this world is harsh and a lot of things kept me from you, and one day Im sure your Mom or I will explain that to you. I love you Amelia , you are the moon, the stars, the rain and the sun to me, with out you , I would have never grown up .

I love you two babies more than anything, I miss you every second of everyday that I cant see you, hold you, hug you, and guide you .. You are both deep with in me ,and my heart needs you in order for it to beat.. Your Daddy loves you no matter where he is or what he is doing. I hope one day you know that , and feel it like I do.

Daddy must go now its late , and I cant stop thinking about how comfy you must both look tucked in your warm beds tonight. I wish I was there!

Love Daddy

New equipment !

2009-02-01T07:45:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone,

Now that the holiday season is long gone , I figured maybe now would be a good time to share with you some recent progressions in Amelia's journey .

As some of you parents that have a child with C.I's know , sometimes these wonderful devices that bring so much to your child's world and yours, can go kaput and trying to get things working right can be a uphill battle. Amelia has now had the experience. We have had the whole unit on the right replaced.. It seems her original equipment liked to shut off on its own, and Amelia is just a little to young yet to let us know if its not working. However she has figured out that she can just unplug herself when she does not want to hear Mommy raise her voice when she decides she wants to go on the misbehaving bus!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to take a moment to share with you a little moment I had with my little girl this weekend. As most Friday nights go I make the trek from Toronto to the Haliburton Highlands to see my family that I miss so much during the week. As always Amelia likes the whole house to be awake when she is up and about bringing havoc to the house hold here. This Saturday was a morning I wont soon forget .. Amelia woke me up , and did we ever have a interesting talk.. She was telling me a very very important story, I could tell it was important cause of her facial expressions. I only understood a couple of words , but the most important thing is she is trying to form the words, and that truly is special to watch. As we talked ,we made some play doe kitty cats , which was alot of fun , specially with play doe in your hair.

As most of you know the past year has been one of great progression. I have watched so much from a far, and at times I know I felt so lost , cause I could not be there the way I wanted too. As a Dad there were times when I felt like I was letting my little girl , her big brother , and my wife down. Thats easy to do when you spend to much time alone. I am so lucky to have the family I do , and I am so very blessed to have the friends that I have made the past few months. The people I met just a very short few months ago , have meant so much to me .. I could never thank them enough for everything they have done , by just listening and letting me vent...laugh , and even cry when I have felt the need too.. I wont go naming names but I can tell u 3 of them have been like Angels to me , and for someone who has no idea what religion means , I need to thank god for helping me find them.

Well thats about all for now... I will update again soon.

Till then... grab your mate , grab your friends...hold them and hug them... you need it more then you know ... The love of a friend... is the best love of all cause you choose to give it..that makes it the best kind of love.

Peace

Amelia's Daddy

All the little things

2008-12-14T08:18:00.000-08:00

Hey folks,

I don't know about you guys , but we are in the middle of a winter wonderland up here in the Haliburton Highlands, so this being the holiday season , there really is no better place to be if you want to get into the whole holiday spirit.

As always I made my usual trip home from the big city this past Friday night , and as usual I had plenty of time to reflect on life, and I started to think about all the little things that our little A.K is doing since she had her surgery and activation earlier this year. Amelia is a real social butterfly , she loves people , she loves to laugh, and I know she loves making people laugh and smile. She has a real knack at reading the room and is always game to make some one bust there gut.
One of the little things you can take for granted with your children when there growing up ,is the first time they try and talk you into something. You find it to be awesome yet expected.
Our family for a little while never thought Amelia would ever be able to verbally talk with us, but Amelia now is starting to do all the stuff a talkative 2 year old does.

This past Saturday morning was a morning I wont ever forget!!!!! As I was trying to come to in bed, I heard the sound of two children galloping though the house.. Then I heard it... " Daddy .... DaaaaaaaDyyyyyyy" Amelia said Daddy !!!!! I was thrown for a bit of a emotional loop... I know she has tried so hard to form words, and she is doing the most amazing job, but that morning it was so clear, so crystal clear, that at that very moment, again I realized that we as a family made the right decision to go on this journey with Amelia.

Life is pretty mean at times , and its so easy to lose perspective. The hard ships in your life make it to easy to forget whats important and what really matters most. Its the little things, some of the un assuming things your child does or any child does is what matters most.. A small cry, a soft smile, and a child looking for you , by calling your name, those are the little things you need to remember and enjoy the most.

Everyone enjoy your self this Holiday season , and enjoy those little things, they really do matter most, when they bring a smile to your face .

Till next time, show love , feel love, make love.. its all that really counts!!!!

Amelia's Daddy

A long awaited update

2008-11-23T15:57:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone,

For those you have read this blog from time to time , I just want to let you know , I have seem to come down with a bad case of some sort of writers block. ( I use that term loosely hehe )

Amelia has now had her C.I's activated for a little more than 6 months , and from all that has happened , we here in Amelia's family are just amazed at the way Amelia has adapted to the hearing world via cochlear implants. At this time Amelia uses about 15 different words, words that Amelia had never attempted to use before her Activation back in May of 08.

3 weeks ago , Amelia had another visit to The Hospital for Sick Kids in Toronto, for a hearing test and her results were about as good as it could get. When the staff at Sick Kids tested Amelia with before her surgery , she scored 4 out of 40, . Now Amelia has scored a amazing 36 out of 40!!!! How Frikken cool is that!

As any parent knows , sometimes all you want to do is to protect your child from let downs and hurtful times, and the worse feeling you can have is the feeling of helplessness when you cant make everything better for your child, I and Amelia's Mom very much felt all those agonizing feelings 12 months ago. Now as Amelia's parents we get to feel a overwhelming sense of happiness and pride when we watch our little A.K and how far she has come, it can be a little emotional for me, cause being the always gone dad I miss so much and she changes so much in my eyes , I sometimes lack the same pace of growth that Amelia is on , but I continue to learn from her , and I can say I feel better as a man , and as a father, having being able to go on this journey beside Amelia .

Life can deal you many low blows and can continue to kick when your already down, but I can tell you from experience , the road you take back to your feet, can be and always will be, your greatest personal accomplishment , cause you become more complete as a person, and it can bless you with a great ability of compassion and forgiveness.

till next time,

Hug a loved one... Cause you need it!

Always gone Dad.

A beautiful new day ..A even more beautiful begining for Amelia

2008-10-01T16:32:00.001-07:00

Good day everyone.

Today was a very special day for Amelia. This morning she started pre-school. As usual I was not there physically today , but my head and heart was with Amelia and her Mom.
For a while now Amelia's mom has noticed more and more how much Amelia enjoys people and really enjoys kids close to her in age. More and more the feeling that maybe it was time for her and to a extent Mommy that maybe Amelia should start going to school. I on the other hand get a little protective when it comes to my little Amelia, and I sometimes worry if we are moving way to fast and other times I think its all way too slow. When I think back to 6 or 7 months ago, all we had to communicate was sight, touch and a little sign language. Now she knows her name, say's hi to everyone she sees, and always makes sure everyone hears her say goodbye when she is leaving somewhere. Her biggest verbal ability so far , is saying " Goooood girl" Sonya has been training our 6 month old great dane , and I guess Amelia has "heard" that so much as of late , that she is now managing to say it!

From time to time , I sometimes reflect on Amelia's journey so far, from confirming her hearing disability , to meeting the Dr's at sick kids , to her surgery , to her activation day, and now to today. I have had many doubts, but the truth is I have been gone for 2 years now , and if you have read any of these blogs, you will know I have had very little to do with Amelias progress. All her sucess is from her hard work ,and the help and support from her big brother and Mom .
I am trully amazed by all that they do everyday.

I owe so much thanks to my wife. She has so much to do , from looking after the kids, the dog, the house, and helping run a family buissness , I can not understand how she does it all, and does it all with such grace. She is in my mind the ultimate mom , and the greatest wife and best friend someone could have. Every day I miss my beautiful kids. I have missed more than 2/3 of Amelia's life and am approaching half of Ethans . At the very least I can take solice in the fact I managed to find the best , most capable person , to look after my two children, since I am a "Always gone Dad"

Till next time, Love yourself, no one can love you , if you dont

End of summer

2008-09-03T09:43:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone,

I can not grasp that summer has come and gone again. I guess after a long winter like we had , the nice weather couldn't be here long enough to enjoy. Summer always seems to fly by!

Amelia just had her second birthday last week, and as per usual I missed the day , but I did get to spend some special time with both Amelia and Ethan this past weekend.

Amelia's has been progressing very well. She has a few words in her vocabulary now.. Hi ... bye... More ( she uses sigh for that as well) She will also sign Mommy and Daddy as she tries to say it.
This is just so special learning with Amelia , and watching her big brother pitch in and try and teach her what to say and how to say it. We really do have a great son who is very special to all of us here, and he never complains about his sister which for a 5 year old is amazing.

I know I have said this before is previous blogs, but I must say it again.

I miss my family a lot , and as time goes by it can get harder to be away, and I end up missing so much , like a attempt at a word , or even watching her put her Cokies on her self . I do find my self being depressed at times, and I have learned that looking at pictures or video's of Ethan and Amelia help me. I have started making my own clips as a way to feel a little closer, and last week I made Amelia , Ethan and there Mom a slide show. It turned out nice and hopefully it will be up on the page soon :)

Till we meet again

Amelia's Daddy

Amelia's moving right along!!

2008-08-12T13:07:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone,

I hope where ever you live , you are enjoying your summer.

Amelia 's weekly therapy sessions have started again this week, and today was her first visit in about a month and a half. As usual I don't get to be there , but Mom does her very best to keep me in the loop .

As usual Amelia was full of fire today!!! She marched on in to her appointment today , like she owned the joint and in Amelia's world, she owns most places she goes lol . Her therapy session went great , and her AVT is very very happy with Amelia's progress!!! Amelia has developed so many verbal skills in a very short time that she figures she is months ahead of where she should be. This past weekend she managed to say the word "More" . As a family , we could not be happier about all of this. We really are blessed as a family to have Amelia come to us , to teach us about growing, learning , teaching, and most importantly caring... All those aspects factor in Amelia's growth , and has helped teach our family the simple joy in being able to talk, hear , and really listen!

I will end this by saying thank you to Sonya... With out your love to our little girl , and your great ability to manage the house, the kids, and a marriage from a far most days , all of Amelia's gains would never have happened with such great results so far.

You are Amazing!!!!

Amelia's Daddy

Amelia's speech development !

2008-07-28T09:57:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone ,

Hope fully you all had a great weekend.

Amelia has started to talk!!!! Yes thats right ...2 months after her activation, she has started to verbalize herself. " uh oh" " Thank you" and " Dirty" are now another apart of Amelia's verbal life !!

We can not begin to tell you all how happy we all are in this latest mountain that Amelia has climbed . She truly is Amazing!!!

At the end of Aug well the 27th to be exact will be Amelia's 2nd birthday and when I think back to a year ago , and all that has happened in the last 365 days, I have to kinda pinch myself. Amelia is so smart , and her Big brother Ethan is maturing in to the most amazing young man.. He has played a huge role in his little sister's development . He truly has been a the biggest teacher for her , and we all just love him so much for all he does for for her and us.

Well thats all for now, Till the next update :)

Amelia's Daddy

A end of weekend update!!

2008-07-21T09:46:00.000-07:00

Good Monday to one and all,

I hope you all had a great mid July weekend. It was another great weekend up here in the southern edge of the great white north .

I have read some of the blogs in Amelia's cochlear posse and we here in Amelia's family , are glad to hear that Drew (turnonmyears.blogspot.com) is feeling better . It is a real downer being under the weather, and we are glad that Drew is back to being himself again.. Amelia and her family are happy your feeling your energetic self again Drew ! !!!!!

Amelia did a first this weekend. It was not verbal , nor was it something she heard. It was something she has learned with out Mom and Dad noticing . Amelia put her Cokies ( Her cochlear implants) on by herself Sunday. How amazing is that. For the last couple of weeks she has shown a lot more interest in her Cokies and what there all about. I am positive before we know it, she wont need our help at all when putting them on . What great work Mom and Grandma Howe have been doing with Amelia, she is catching on to so many things now , that it gets scary sometimes..... ie. Driving her ATV with 1 hand !!!! lol

I made a small video of pictures .. A picture history of the 2 greatest kids parents could have. There are no words just pictures and music, so with that said I hope you all enjoy it .

Take care

Amelia's Daddy

Weekend Fun!

2008-07-13T17:42:00.000-07:00

Hello all. We hope your all enjoying the summer weather where ever you may be .

It's been a little while since I updated Amelia's blog, but the truth is we have been so busy fixing things around the house and enjoying the sunshine that I just have not got myself in front of this computer much. :)

Now on to the latest in Amelia's journey .

This past Saturday, Amelia once again made another step towards verbalizing her thoughts and feelings. While traveling to town with her Mom , She motioned for her juice. Her Mom past her the juice and said "Amelia thank you... You say thank you Amelia" At that point Amelia's Mom looked in her rear view and watched for a signed response from Amelia. Instead she got not only a signed response but also verbal... "Baaa Ouuuu " Amelia said and then smiled.

That truly is a miracle in so many way's . It's enough to make me shake my head sometimes in amazement and yet when I look at all she does...Nothing amazes me about her!!!!

Here are some pics . One of Amelia and one of Amelia and her Big Brother Ethan .

Till next time..

Amelia's Daddy.

A letter to Amelia from Daddy

2008-06-26T13:51:00.000-07:00

My dear Lemon Drop,

I want you to know how very proud I am of you, You have done the most amazing things in your life , that all I can do sometimes is lie awake at night wondering how you figure it all out.

Like most people I have lived my life with a good ability to hear whats going on around me, You have lived most of your life so far in silence, yet I know you have heard and felt this world with more meaning and a sense of what really matters than I ever could.

Your beautiful face , and wonderful smile is what has kept me going most nights when I am alone and away from all of you. If I didn't have you and your brothers pictures to look at during the night I really feel like I might have never made it this long with out the two of you.

Anyone who has met you knows how aware you are of all the things around you, Your sense of touch, your sight , and now your ability to hear but most importantly your ability to love , is only going to intensify as you grow older. Your so smart Amelia, truly amazing is what you are!!!!

This week Amelia, you pointed to the stairs and tried to say "Up" . Thats awesome sweetheart..you really are special, and you will always be special no matter where I am or what I am doing. Please don't ever stop going up, don't ever stop climbing , ask anyone its always best when you continue to reach for the top, and touch a star.

I miss you sweet heart , and I am so glad you don't have the time to miss me, cause missing people you love can hurt and it can hurt a lot!

I cant wait to hug you again real soon, Daddy misses you too much!

Love always

Daddy

New Video

2008-06-22T18:44:00.001-07:00

I managed to put together a short 4 min video of Amelia , with her Avt .

I am sure you all will especially enjoy the last 7 seconds :)

Hope you all had a great weekend .

Amelia's Daddy

ttp://www.youtube.com/AmeliasJourney

A tweak here and a yell there!!!!

2008-06-19T08:12:00.000-07:00

Good day everyone,

As all parents of children with C.I's know there are many trips to the hospital , so with that being said, Amelia has a trip to the Hospital for Sick Children in Toronto for a Cochlear check- up and to have a 6 more electrodes turned on. Woo Hoo !!!!! :)

Amelia continues to expand her verbal horizons on what seems like a daily basis. She now is trying to copy what ever you might say is she finds it funny. For example, I sometimes play this silly little game with my son , I will yell out "Whaa?? ( with a horrible British accent) my son of course will yell it back. Well now it has become trio .. Amelia belly laughs then yells out " WHA!!!!!!! and then continues to giggle uncontrollably . I really find that to be pretty cool, considering 9 months ago we didn't know if Amelia would ever be able to verbalize her feelings at all.

Like most every family in the C.I world at some point you have to deal with your government for a ton of educational issue's , and at the moment we are trying to get the subsidies needed to put Amelia in to daycare this coming in September, and we expect there will be some big bumps in the road ahead . Hopefully this will not be to infuriating !! lol

Well thats all for now ,

Take care of yourselves

Amelia's Daddy

Hats....and Dogs!

2008-06-11T07:24:00.000-07:00

I am so happy right now , I felt like I needed to blog about Amelia's latest attempts at communication.

2 weeks ago Amelia's Mom brought home a new addition to our family... " Jazz " The Great Dane.
Jazz is only 10 weeks old , so you can imagine how wild its getting around our house with a 5 year old, 20 month Amelia and now a 10 week old Great Dane.

Tuesday morning , Amelia was getting ready for her therapy session in Haliburton , when Amelia's Mom asked her where the dog was .. Amelia replied " Woof Woof" .. My wife was beside herself after that, but quickly Amelia decided she was going to do another amazing thing.. Before they were going to go out the door.. Mommy remembered Amelia needed her hat... Mommy asked Amelia to find her hat, Amelia looked up at Mommy and said "AHAT AHAT" I think my wife might have lost her breath after that.

This Journey so far has been a great adventure for all of us in our family. We have and will keep learning together, as it's the best way for Amelia to grow, if we all grow together.

Have a great day ..I know we will :)

Amelia's Daddy

1 Month and counting !

2008-06-08T17:28:00.000-07:00

We just can not believe it has been a month since Little Ms Amelia Kenzie had her " Cokies" activated. What a amazing ride it has been so far. Amelia is ahead of schedule right now as far a her recognizing sounds , and being able to recognize where the sounds come from. Amelia has made attempts to form a few words. Da-dada-deee = Daddy.... Mummmma = Mommy.... Buh Buh = Bus..... AHHHhhhHHH = Airplane Poh Poh Poh = The sound of a boat...Bffffftttttttt ( raspberry) = The sound of a car, She will also wave Bye Bye with a smile !

To say we are ecstatic would be a understatement. All of this progress is a result of her Mom's hard work with Amelia , and the great work that's done with her twice a week with visits to her AVT's .

I am working on putting together a video that shows some of her progress. Hopefully it will be up in a week or so.

Till next time, Enjoy every moment, cause moments never last forever!

Amelia's Daddy

Joy and Frustration

2008-05-29T05:31:00.000-07:00

Well it seems My little Amelia is growing up and she is expressing her frustration.

Amelia has 2 therapy sessions a week . 1 in home and 1 in Haliburton at 5 counties kids services.

While at her session on Tuesday in Haliburton , Amelia really had no interest in doing much , other than some play , and organizing.. She is so much like her Mom, Everything has to be clean... neat , and always put away in the right spot.. From what I hear she re organized the toy bin at the five counties offices . I would imagine they were very thankful for the time she put in to looking after the toy clutter .

While her AVT tried to do some of her word association exercises, Amelia showed great frustration with all of it. At first when I was told this from my wife , I didn't quite know what to make of it, but my wife told me , this is a good thing, She is really trying to communicate and she gets a little perturbed when using sign because if your not looking right at her, she thinks you are ignoring her. I think we as a family will just try a little harder, and hopefully in time Amelia will also adapt and become more patient as things improve for her .

Thats all for now... I will hopefully pack my bags to head home tomorrow, as long as my auto mechanic gets my car back to me.. Braking down at 5 am is not fun!

Have a great weekend everyone ..

Amelia's Daddy

Growing Up!

2008-05-23T08:11:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone,

I have been away all week from my family as per usual , and my wife has filled me in on some of Amelia's great new adventures.

We live in a small community about 2 1/2 hours outside of Toronto, in the woods so to speak. Around our home , the folks use Atv's to get around. My oldest son Ethan who just turned 5 loves to get out and ride on his grandpa's atv or mine when I am there. Well it seems Amelia has now discovered she enjoys riding one her self. My son has grown out of his battery powered one just in time for Amelia to enjoy it . In the past week she has discovered how to use the accelerator pedal and she steers the bike with no problems, She even sticks her tongue out while she rides, just like her brother does. (Video will be coming)

Amelia is adapting well to having her Cokie's put on. No more crying when there powered up , and she makes it pretty much through the whole day with out taking them off. I think her Mom and I have figured out how to use the BTE and to keep it on her with out falling off or getting damaged. Thankfully Amelia's AVT found bra tape, and man does that stuff work well... Just a small strip behind Amelia's ear seems to be working well in keeping the ear piece on.

I guess thats all for now. I have to pack my bags , so I can head home after work and see my kids for the weekend.

Take care all

Amelia's Dad

Making adjustments... ecckhhh!

2008-05-17T07:45:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone,

To my fellow Canadians , happy May 24 , and to all the rest, hope your weekend is going great!

As I am sure most of you know , adjusting to life with a child with Cochlear Implants can be a challenge, but really is there a bigger challenge then to try and adjust the baby worn ear hooks!!! Amelia's Mom , Grandma Howe , and my self are going to great lengths to make these more comfortable for her , however this seems to be a bigger task then imagined. If there is any advice you could give us, it would be a greatly appreciated.

Now to Amelia, WOW WOW WOW! These past 8 days have just been the just short of astonishing . We all can not believe how far she has come in such a short time. She already had made great attempts to say "Bu Bye" , also she loves making the Tarzan call when she See's our family cat Quincy. The biggest change so far is watching Amelia enjoy the company of people. You can tell by watching her, that she feels more a part of things. Yes we know the words that are being spoken, she more likely can not really understand, but maybe it's because she wore hearing aids for close to 4 months before she got her implants so she might have a little step up on most youngsters who did not have that opportunity for on reason or another. We are all happier than pigs in you know what! hahaha!

Well that's all for now , but before I go, thank you to everyone who has left comments, and for being kind enough to add Amelia's Journey to there blog roll, Its been very humbling for me , having the chance to make the connection with you.

Till next time,

Keep growing , and keep loving!

Amelia's Dad

Changes

2008-05-13T08:33:00.000-07:00

Good day all,

I have seen so many things change in the last 5 days, that I do not even know where to start.

After Amelia's activation on Thursday, she had a long drive home( about 3 hrs) and of course she did not sleep a wink.

When she woke up Friday, of course she cried when her "Cokies" went on , but after a few seconds she was rip roar'in and ready to go.

I am stuck in the city during the week , but I was told and I saw for myself that Amelia has a totally different vibe going on.

She seems a little more complete, and the babbling is non stop. I know at this point Amelia is really only hearing sounds, but she is accepting it all .

My video camera will be rolling non stop , so I will have many moments to share with you all.
I just cant wait!

Amelias Daddy!

video

2008-05-11T06:18:00.000-07:00

Happy Mothers day!!!!

Hi all , I am posting this quick video of Amelia's activation day.

I hope you all enjoy it :)

http://www.youtube.com/AmeliasJourney

Awesome!

2008-05-08T16:10:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone, I hope you are all doing swimmingly today.

Amelia had her "ears " turned on this afternoon , It was the most amazing sight I have ever witnessed. I really can't put it into word's how the day went,it was all just so emotional that I am not sure I even have a grasp of how I feel.

The look on her face when they plugged her in to the computer was awesome. She did so well, so well in fact , that her audiologist said Amelia was meant to hear, she handled it so good.
However when they actually turned her on so she could hear us and the rest of the world, it scared her a lot . Thats totally normal and just one of the many ways we know this worked for her!

I will be making a video real soon, so I can share this moment with all of you.

This is only the beginning for her... There will be more programming days starting this Monday, so the ball is really rolling now.

Thank you all for taking the time to read this, I look forward to talking to you all soon.

New beginings!

2008-05-07T13:40:00.000-07:00

Well My little lemon drop , the day has come. Tomorrow you will have your Cokie's turned on!
I am aware you wont know what the noises are at first, but from what I know about you, you will figure it all out real fast.

No matter how fast or how slow this whole ride goes for you, always know that I am so proud of you Amelia. Your smile always makes the room light up, and that scowl you get, its the best scowl on earth. I figure it will be a big part of your personality forever. You are so strong, you inspire me daily, to work hard, and to care about the little things we take for granted. You never go too long with out making us smile, and thru all the test's and the surgery you have had, You were stronger than I ever could have imagined, and stronger than I would or will be.

I love you Amelia , and I am so very proud to be your Daddy.

Thank you for being here for me , and remember, always say what you need to say!

Love Daddy!

Time to say Thank you!

2008-05-05T13:56:00.001-07:00

I just want to say very big thank you to the fine people who have taken the time to send there most heart felt best wishes for my little Amelia's big day on Thursday May 8th.

You all have no idea how much it means to me , that people who live in far off places , care enough to show support to a family they do not know.

Special people like you all are hard to come by. Not only am I blessed with a great family , and very good friends and co workers, but I am also lucky to have people like you , willing to share with a family of strangers like us.

As for Thursday...... is it here yet???

May your god bless you by night, and luck guide you by day.

The Journey really begin's

2008-05-03T13:19:00.000-07:00

Well the time has come , time to welcome my little lady into this world of hearing.

On April 8th 08 Amelia had bi lateral cochlear implant surgery . I can not put into word's the emotion that was felt at Sick Kids Hospital in Toronto that day. 3 Weeks later and most of it has become a blur, but one thing is for sure, if little Ms Amelia hears her Mommy's voice really for the first time, then really all the stress and sleepless nights , will only seem like the smallest of mountains that needed to be conquered .

This Thursday May 8 is Amelia's activation day... My nails are gone, but hey whats a dad suppose to do, its better than smoking right?

Ill updste this, even though I know it wont be read by anyone. But still it helps me.. Lets me get stuff off my chest... I need to make room for my part in Amelia's journey sound, and all the little things we all seem to take for granted!

2008-01-16T09:45:00.000-08:00

Well we are still waiting. The worst thing about being a parent , is the wait for appointments for your kids.

I think they do it on purpose. Not to get you upset, but to get you mentally prepared.
Is there any better way for your brain to realize how serious the situation is. I have to figure they don't do it to upset anyone. After all its the Dr's that always tell you being positive will help and attitude is everything.

My attitude now ..is getting better, it has to , Ill go crazy if i stay in the place I was at in my own head!

Amelia I love you so much! One day you'll read this, and wonder why your Daddy was so nervous, cause I know things will turn out O.K . It has to cause your here, and you make everything complete and good for me, your Mom , and big brother Ethan!

Till next time ...
Ride your life with pride, and walk your path with grace!

Realization

2008-01-14T18:58:00.000-08:00

Well I think It finally hit me. My Little Lemon Drop, can't hear!

We both knew for a while, but I guess like all parents, you still hope that the test's were all wrong , and that Your daughter is just fine. In my daughters case, its quite real. Profound is the term. Profoundly hard of hearing is what sick kids told us, so with there opinion, I cant deny the truth any more. I must stop being so selfish , and just do the right thing for her , and her future.

Its hard when your living the way I do. I like a lot of other Dads commute along way for work, and I am not home during the week , so I miss a lot. Since I am gone so much , I tend to leave most things to my wife.

She is the strongest person , next to my daughter that I know. She handles everything so well. I on the other hand, I seem to struggle with this. Is it the guilt of being gone? Is it just the fact that my little girl means so much to me, that I am just that worried? Or maybe I lack enough man in me to just be strong and right?

I guess I still don't know, and will I ever ?

The next few days , or weeks will be very telling. MRI's CT scans, they will be coming up, and if all things turn out O.K with the tests a Cochlear Implant could be her hope for hearing and speech.

bye 4 now' till the next need to express..

May your God grace you by night, and luck be on your shoulder by day!